Once upon a time, someone who I thought gave a sh*t about me, showed that they actually didn’t. Actually, that’s happened once upon many a times!! It’s super important to be wary of who you give your precious time and energy to.
Here’s what I’m slowly but surely learning:
- Trust your instincts – you usually know pretty quickly if someone’s ‘a bit iffy’ even if they seem super sweet. Don’t ignore that instinct. But if you don’t clock it early, that’s OK too. People are complex, multi-layered beings!
- Learn to hear/ feel your instincts – obviously you need this for point 1. So if you struggle with it, get out of your head, and into your body. Out of your thinking and into your intuition. Awaken your senses – they are your inner sat nav.
- Once you spot the fact that this person really doesn’t care as much as you may have thought – STOP it right there. Don’t drag it on any longer in the hope that ‘it will get better’ or ‘it’s just a blip’. The longer it drags on, the harder it is to break away from. Your time and energy is being wasted.
- In the words of the wonderful late Maya Anjelou ‘when someone shows you who they are, believe them’. People are not the expectation of them you created in your head. They are not how you want them to be in order to make you happy. They are who they are, and if that doesn’t suit you, then why are you hanging around them?
- Don’t be afraid to state your case – be open, be honest, be respectful but bold. SPEAK. It’s liberating to express honestly how you feel. Not from the ego – from the heart. NOT from the ego, from the HEART. Repeated because it’s really important if you want to feel unburdened and start moving on, you must release from the heart. The ego just causes arguments.
- But don’t expect, or rely on, an answer. You might get one and it might be honest and decent. But it might not be what you want to hear. Or you might get an excuse, or a lie. Or you might get nothing. With so many variables in this mix – don’t hang yourself on this hook. You don’t need an answer.
- Let it go. Once you’ve made your feelings clear and known, move on. Yes it may take time if this person was particularly close. But keep moving on. Each week, each day, maybe each second.
- Let yourself off the hook – don’t think you’re making ‘mistakes’ etc. This is just how life goes, and it’s how we learn. If you learn from it, you’ll be super sharp at dealing with anything similar in future, much more quickly.
- The quicker you identify an issue, the quicker you can deal with it. The quicker you can deal with it, the quicker you can move on from it – and make space for more of life’s goodness to arrive. Don’t wait around in denial, hoping people might change. Your life is ticking by and there are other gorgeous souls waiting to meet you. Make space for them.