‘Hey, how are you…? How’s your job?’
‘Fine thanks. All good, Busy. You know, the usual’
‘Cool, yeah I had a busy day today, I had to do shopping and work and then see my boyfriend’
‘Oh wow, yeah that’s a lot to cram in’.
‘Yeah, life is so busy you know’.
Blah f-ing blah!! Talk ensues into things like the weather and mundane life details.
Do you know how that sort of conversation makes me feel? GROSS! I feel uncomfortable, agitated, I squirm and want to get the hell outta there…
Now don’t get me wrong…
I understand these conversations are often pre-cursors to something more interesting, especially if they are with friends. And I understand that sometimes you’re in situations with strangers/ new people and you have to make a little bit of chat.
BUT – this is where the conversation passes my ‘squirm’ test:
- It never goes deeper or becomes more meaningful
- It’s forced – with people you have to see/ speak to sometimes but are not close to
- It’s forced – because neither of you really have a genuine interest in each other
I used to think something was wrong with me…
I struggled inside when these sorts of conversations arose, I felt out of place and sometimes even ashamed, as if I couldn’t ‘connect’ with people. Like I was some kind of outcast. Different.
Perhaps I ‘should show more interest in them’ and ‘I must share my life with them’. Especially if they are distant relatives, or friends of friends etc.
Then I realised something (by ‘then’ I mean ‘just now’!).
It makes me squirm because it feels fake
The fact is, I am a unique, individual person. And I like to talk about STUFF. I want to plunge to the depths of life, delve into my soul – and yours (if you don’t mind! Hehe). Tell me your troubles and let’s explore them together. Tell me your wildest dreams and let’s plot how to make them happen.
Maybe I want to talk business, maybe I want to talk politics, maybe I want to talk about spirituality. Doesn’t matter what it is – for you too. What’s your STUFF? What brings meaning to your interactions?
Meaningful interactions is the key. These make us feel alive and truthful.
Small talk – bar a few minutes here and there where required – doesn’t make me feel alive or real. It makes me feel lethargic and fake. Just like anything in life that you force yourself into when it doesn’t really resonate with who you are.
So now I know!
I know that there’s nothing wrong with me, I just feel uncomfortable in situations that don’t align to my truth – and that’s totally human. Many times in life we end up interacting with people who – as lovely as they may be, are not people we personally choose.
So conversations become hard for us. And that doesn’t make us weird or antisocial, or the odd one out. If you’re a human and you’re connected to your truth, you will want to live that truth and anything that doesn’t align, will feel uncomfortable.
So I’m not sure if this has helped you in any way! But it was a big light bulb moment for me. It really allowed me to let myself off the hook for all those times I’ve squirmed in my seat after more than three minutes of small talk.
I hope some of you will feel that you can let yourself off the hook too. ☺
‘So, busy day?’