The 3 Paths to Personal Transformation: Which One Will You Choose?

Focus on what’s wrong with you. Make sure you know how bad you are, how overweight you are, how poor you are and how single you are. Be aware of your failures and shame yourself for them. Compare yourself negatively to others. Because, you’re not good enough and you must be better.

So, lose that weight because you’re chunky, save that money because you’re poor and get that promotion because you are worthless without it!

2. Self-motivation

Ramp up the mojo by watching those shouty YouTube videos and Instagram reels that tell you to ‘GO GET IT.’ Go WIN. Work hard, be the best and achieve. This is YOUR year! New year, new you! You can do it. It’s on you to create all the things you want in your life.

So, go create that multimillion-pound business because the only thing stopping you is you. Get to the gym five times a week, don’t let resistance win, life is short and you’re the best! Go go goooo!

3. Self-love

Reflect with kindness and compassion on how you can nurture yourself and your life and focus on what truly matters to you. Take your time on your unique journey. Softly learn from your challenges and setbacks, support yourself when you fall and simply do your best.

And, have fun with it. Be gently curious as you evolve and heal. Appreciate your progress as you create and grow. Rest when you need to. Celebrate every tiny step forward, every tiny win. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and let the path unfold.

Do you feel the difference between these three approaches?

I do. I used to unconsciously choose self-criticism. That was my playbook, my conditioning. Growing up, I was constantly criticised, never enough, compared to others and pushed into action. That became the way I treated myself. It was horrible. It made me miserable and often too beaten down to take the action required in certain areas of my life.

I also dabbled in self-motivation. But I found it exhausting and superficial. The motivation industry’s focus on material gain just doesn’t drive me.

So here I am, committing to self-love as my approach to personal transformation.

I truly believe you can love yourself into anything, through anything, to anything. Love will always be the greatest power and force.

Love isn’t weak or fluffy. It’s gentle, yet incredibly strong. To quote Interstellar, “Love is the only force that transcends time and space.” You can deeply love someone who’s no longer here, and that love can shape your life profoundly. Love binds us beyond the physical realm.

When I focus on love, I feel strong, cared for and okay. From there, I can move through my journey of growth and contribution with grace and clarity. All the rest, the self-criticism and self-motivation, feels like ego-driven noise. It may get temporary results, but it’s overwhelmingly hard and unsustainable. At least it is for me.

Motivation has a shelf life. Love does not.

This isn’t to say transformation through love will be free of challenges. It won’t be. But when you approach challenges with love, gentleness, curiosity and inspiration, you’re better equipped to handle them than if you’re trying to punch through them with ego.

Love is strong.

So, if we are to make a New Year’s resolution, let it be this:

To be kind to ourselves. To be gentle with ourselves. And to love ourselves into our evolution.