I often find myself having problems in life with money, work and health, banging my head against the wall, trying to crack the code of ease and flow in these areas. But with people, relationships and love it’s a completely different story. That part of life feels easy for me. Effortless. And very fulfilling. I started to wonder… why? Why do I struggle in some areas but not love?
Of course I’ve had my share of heartbreaks, difficulties, conflicts and even childhood trauma and abuse. But these pale in comparison to the amount of love, care and support I’ve experienced in my life. Love flows towards me in abundance from friends, family, clients, colleagues, strangers and animals too! And it comes with such ease. 🙏
Even during the darkest moments of my childhood I still felt love at times. Love from God, love from doing fun and creative things, love from looking up at the stars in wonder and awe. Even when the people around me weren’t showing me love, I somehow still knew that it existed as an unconditional presence. It didn’t feel like something I had to earn or work hard for. Love just was. Love just is.
For a moment, I challenged myself in this thinking: is this really true? Don’t I people please to get love? Don’t I act a certain way to receive love? Don’t I try to earn love? 🤔
Turns out, I don’t. I do people please, but it’s to avoid pain and rejection. I do sometimes try to be a certain way, but it’s to avoid shame and judgement. I don’t do either of these to get love.
I’ve never ‘tried to get’ love.
And yet, I get it in spades.
And therein lies the crux of it
The more you try to get something, the less you get it.
This is known as the Matthew effect:
“For to the one who has, more will be given, and he will have an abundance, but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away”
Matthew 13:12 and Matthew 25:29
This isn’t about stuff. It’s about who you’re being on the inside. When you feel whole and complete, more comes to you. When you feel lacking and incomplete, you repel even what you’ve already got.
When it comes to love, I’m a ‘have’. When it comes to money, work and health, I’m more of a have not. Why is that? The answer lies in childhood.
How childhood conditioning shapes belief
Between conception and around age 7 we adopt our beliefs from the world around us. These beliefs dictate the rest of our lives.
Let’s look at money for example:
In my home, money was discussed a lot but never in a positive way. I was told that money is hard to get, limited and lacking, that I’m undeserving of it and I’ll never achieve financial success. Money was worshipped, used as a tool for control, a source of conflict and even though we had it, it was never enough. 😞
And so I became a ‘have not’. I adopted a money mindset of lack, scarcity and unworthiness, believing that I must suffer and struggle to succeed. I’ve played this out for years, resulting in stress, fear and limitation.
But love? No one ever told me that I can’t have love, that I’d be incapable of getting love, or that it was scarce or limited. No teacher, no parent, no friend or foe ever told me that love has to be earned or that I didn’t deserve it and, no one around me chased or argued about love.
But it’s not that positive messages about love were given to me, either. It’s that love was never mentioned at all. It wasn’t taught at school and bar a few minor incidents in my earliest years, the topic of love, people and relationships was left unspoken in my house. And this was the greatest gift I could ever receive. 💝
REMAINING WHOLE
The silence on this topic meant that I stayed connected to my innate knowing about it. I stayed with the original programme, the spiritual source code within, the one that we’re all born with, which is that I am worthy, whole and complete.
I remained as a ‘have’ because no one told me I was a have not, no one planted those seeds, those viruses in my mind. And thus, I operated from this place of completeness throughout my life, never chasing or needing, trying or seeking for love; and as a result, I got plenty of it. Let’s remind ourselves again of the Matthew Effect:
“For to the one who has, more will be given, and he will have an abundance, but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away”
You are already wHOLE, WORTHY AND COMPLETE
We all start out as ‘haves’.
Then the world trains us to believe otherwise.
It trains us into fear, lack and limitation, it has us festering in incompleteness and living from that place. And so, we struggle.
But our wholeness never goes away. The source code remains. The original programme cannot be overwritten. No one can delete that, it’s still there. Because it’s who you truly are. Your true spirit. Unless you’re dead, it’s still here! In this body, in this form, in this time and place. Accessible to you. 🤩
It might feel buried under layers of wounds and beliefs but you can uncover it. Not by fixing or fighting, but by deleting and releasing. By healing and transcending. By loving and transmuting. By returning to what Joe Vitale calls Zero Limits (I’m currently reading his book by the same name, if you’re interested: https://amzn.eu/d/cVUAhHO).
The journey back home
I’ve been on this journey of returning to wholeness for many years, I’m not sure it ever ends, because there are so many layers to our psyche that cloud our completeness. It is what one of my teachers William Whitecloud calls ‘The Battle Of Evermore’. It’s a daily practice to notice when you’re coming from fear and lack, and instead, choose to come from love and limitlessness (that’s the simplest way to describe it).
There are many tools and techniques to help us do this, I’ll share more of those in my work as I continue this path, and I hope they help you find your way back home.
If you’d like to share your thoughts on this piece drop me a message/ comment on any of my social platforms or use the email button below. I’d love to hear from you! ❤️
